Una tristeza que se baila

Hola todos,

As a few of you know (gracias, amigos, for bearing with me), I've been suffering from a corazón roto — a terrible, classic heartbreak — for the past three weeks. I couldn't concentrate or sleep and lost my appetite. Instead of feeling better, I felt sadder and more desperate every hour. I tried to snap myself out of it: go out with friends, immerse myself in work and my daily routine, listen to everyone's good advice... But the heartbreak (or, put another way, my hope) was stubborn, and nothing could make me forget.

As putting it all behind me didn't seem like an immediately plausible option, I spent most of my time reading and writing, listening to music and singing, and (think of it what you will) it wasn't all a waste. I rediscovered las jarchas, some of my very favorite poetry (the link has translations in English), Garcilaso's elegies and sonnets ("The sweet lament of two pastors" — it is so good, I might like it even better than Shakespeare. Cervantes complained in one of his stories "Why aren't real pastors ever like that?"), Nabokov's beautiful, cynical short stories. I went on a Representative Poetry Online spree looking for an echo of how I felt, and founds these amazing poems: "What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why," "We sat entwined an hour or two together," "Sonata in Pathos," "Letter from a Friend," "The Legacy," "yes at first," and "What's the Matter with Love": my favorite so far about heartbreak (it's a long list, but trust me, they are excellent). I read La puta verdad (The Truth's A Whore) by Mariano Schuster and El viejo fuego (The Old Fire) by Elvio Romero. And I wrote and wrote and wrote.

I am proud of some of my writings, and will edit and publish them soon (on my old poetry blog, which I also rediscovered). As a final thought to this portion, to quote Chanel from my poetry workshop via Facebook, "why do I ever stop reading poetry why." So as you can see, it wasn't a total loss.

After all this you may be wondering if my Buenos Aires adventures have come to a bit of a halt: they never did! As Jun put it a few months ago, "No paraste!" / "You never stopped!" If sexual harassment, housing disasters, robberies, and midterms-stress couldn't shut me down, then terrible heartbreak certainly won't (I know I am dramatic, but it's true). I have really made the most of all my time. =)

Last weekend I went to Fiesta Emergente with Jun. We saw some street dancing there. The first dancers were covered in plastic garbage bags, wrappers, and cords, and wearing prominently branded shoes, and for the finale, some hip hop dancers spun around upside down on their hands and heads and did completely airborne backflips. I had seen that on tv, but to see it in person was amazing! It was really great. After that we waited in a loooong line to see stand-up comedy. We waited for an hour or more, but it was worth it. I don't think I'd ever seen stand-up comedy live. According to the Fiesta Emergente agenda, stand-up comedy was invented in America and popularized worldwide by the tv show "Seinfeld." Menos mal! (I am glad it was!) We ate delicious pan relleno (stuffed bread) and shopped for ofertas (cheap books) at librerías to top the experience off (did I mention I love literature?).

That Sunday I met with my friend Steven from Holland at the San Telmo feria. We walked all the way to Plaza de Mayo and had coffee at a beautiful old-fashioned café near the Obelisco. He is encouraging me to use Linked In to start my career search; more good advice that I haven't taken yet... Looking for jobs and a semi-permanent place to live is will be my number one project after finals.

After that I had tea at El Gato Negro with Carlos from Perú (the tea is actually mediocre, but I love that place because it smells like curry, cloves, and cinnamon). We had a nice conversation and I made another stop at heaven (also known as the librerías of Corrientes y Callao) and bought a book by Horacio Quiroga. I've always loved the title of one of his books: "Stories of Love, Madness, and Death," although I decided on a different one, "Anaconda and Other Stories," because it seemed to contain more love stories, haha.

On Wednesday I ate Japanese food with my Korean friend Daniel and went out for beer at a Bolivian restaurant (he is probably the only person I've met whose favorite beer is Quilmes, the Argentine national beer). The Bolivian restaurant had about 200 tables and only 10 customers, and was decorated with big food court-style signs featuring typical fast foods, a Bolivian flag, and a medium-sized framed poster of an American rock band. It was cold inside (the same as outside, and it's winter here), but I have to say, the place had onda (good vibes). Daniel told me about a man he saw blowing a kiss to a woman on a public bus. He thought the gesture was funny considering the circumstance, and so do I! He told me, too, about the shock of his second day in the military (military service is required for all Korean men). Upon waking up, he saw forty unfamiliar faces and thought "Where am I? What did I do last night? Oh yeah, I joined the military..." He's been traveling all around Latin America this year. Since he's met so many friendly people who helped him in his travels, he wants to help Latin American travelers in Korea. It is just a thought right now, but he came up with the name Coreazón (Corea + Corazón, Korea + Heart). I like it! And he is right: latinos are very warm and welcoming. =)

Yesterday was my last day of undergraduate classes! I gave a  presentation in my Suicidology class about self-harm. It was my first time speaking in front of a Spanish-speaking audience and I was nervous, but the presentation went well — I got a 7/10. I translated part of my friend Devan's wonderful, insightful zine about cutting, and that was a hit. I paid an exorbitant fee (1 peso per page) to be able to distribute it (more than necessary even at that rate because I wanted them to see the pictures), but they enjoyed it and I'm glad I did. I am going to miss those guys!

I was so happy to be done with undergraduate classes forever that I victory-danced in the elevator with an equally enthused Italian from my class. It feels surreal! I'll be so, so glad to graduate! =)

Today was the start of an excellent weekend. I am feeling a lot better than I had been. I went to Marta Minujín's Tower of Babel made of books. There was a special event there today in honor of Ernesto Sábato's birthday. Sábato was one of Argentina's greatest writers (his letter to a young writer, "Querido y remoto muchacho," really inspired me) and passed away just this year. Some famous Argentine women read selections of his work and an amazing (and probably alos famous) tango band put some of his writing to music. He sang about "los locos que inventaron el amor," the crazy couple who invented love (in the context of the story, two porteños running around Avenida 9 de Julio ecstatic at midnight). One of the women told us that Sábato had referred to tango music as "una tristeza que se baila" / "a sadness that you dance." It was very cold outside and threatening rain, but the show was wonderful, and we got free Ernesto Sábato books. When it ended, no one left, so the tango band performed another song: "Por una cabeza," my new favorite. It's one of the most well-known tango songs, and everyone sang along. Here is a recording of it by Carlos Gardel, the most famous tango singer.

I stopped by Jorge's house since I was nearby and my cell phone wasn't working (it is temperamental and only occasionally works, but functions as my clock), but since he wasn't home I went to Galerías Pacífico to drink some coffee and read my new Sábato book.

After that I went to el Centro Cultural San Martín and saw a French movie about a family of clowns, called "Semianyki." I loved it and recommend it! Both the movie and the tango show I mentioned earlier were free. I am so thankful for all this sponsoring of the arts in Buenos Aires!

Tomorrow I'll go to the feria at San Telmo, and I haven't decided what else. Thank you, everyone, for reading — it means a lot to me! ¡Les quiero! I love you all!

Cariños
Kaeli